…Is It Isolation or Self-Preservation?
Sometimes, I disappear.
Not for attention.
Not in anger.
But quietly like a retreating tide.
I stop replying.
Stop showing up.
Stop pretending I’m okay.
…
Because I’m not.
Not all the time.
And I’m finally starting to say that out loud.
But when I go quiet,
they say I’m distant.
Cold.
Too deep in my head.
Maybe I am.
…
But maybe this isn’t isolation.
Maybe it’s self-preservation.
Not forgetting scripture says…“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”— Matthew 11:28
That’s what I needed.
Rest.
From the noise,
the demands,
the constant pressure
to perform emotionally
when my soul is exhausted.
I used to feel guilty for pulling away.
…
Now I call it protection.
Not from people,
but from the version of me
that runs on fumes just to be “present.”
Well now, you can’t fault me… see,
“Even Jesus withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”— Luke 5:16
If He, the Son of God,
needed solitude
why do I even feel bad for craving it?
Why do I shame myself
for choosing silence
over performative connection?
I’m learning that solitude
can be sacred.
It’s where I hear God clearest.
Where my heart untangles.
Where the masks fall off
and I face myself… flawed, tired, real.
It’s not always pretty.
Sometimes I cry more than I pray.
Sometimes I stare at the ceiling
The blank walls of my dwelling
searching for peace in the stillness.
But He meets me there.
In my hiding.
In my unraveling.
“Be still, and know that I am God.”— Psalm 46:10
This isn’t isolation.
It’s healing.
It’s boundary-setting.
It’s choosing quiet
over being misunderstood one more time.
So if you see me pulling back
don’t assume I’ve changed.
I’m just learning
that being available to everyone
was making me unavailable to myself.
And to God.
…
So I’m crawling into solitude
not to disappear,
but to be found again
by the One who truly knows me.
If you’re there too,
don’t be afraid of the quiet.
Sometimes it’s not the absence of life.
It’s the beginning of healing.
Take your time.
Take your space.
Let God restore you whole.
…
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