Why Opening Up Feels Risky Now…
I used to open up like a book,
Spilling truths without fear.
Telling my story in real-time—
raw, honest, trembling.
I believed in connection.
Believed in the power of being seen.
But lately…
even typing a caption feels heavy.
Even saying “I’m not okay”
feels like too much.
Because too many times,
I opened up
and was met with silence.
Dismissal.
Or worse—
used words thrown back at me,
twisted into judgment.
So now I hesitate.
Now I guard.
Now I smile instead of speak.
Laugh instead of cry.
Because vulnerability—
as healing as it can be—
has started to feel like
a risk I can’t afford.
“Do not give dogs what is sacred;do not throw your pearls to pigs.If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”— Matthew 7:6
That verse stings—
because it’s real.
I’ve handed my heart to people
who didn’t know how to hold it.
I’ve spoken truth
in spaces that only honored masks.
So now,
I retreat.
Not in bitterness,
but in self-preservation.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”— Proverbs 4:23
But guarding your heart
doesn’t mean hardening it.
That’s what I’m learning.
I don’t want to become unreachable.
I just want to feel safe again.
Safe to share.
Safe to feel.
Safe to trust.
And maybe that starts with God.
Maybe the first place I speak freely again
is at His feet.
“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”— Psalm 62:8
Because He won’t twist my words.
Won’t minimize my pain.
Won’t use my past against me.
With Him, I can cry freely
and not feel weak.
I can be broken
and still be whole in His eyes.
So if you’re like me—
tired of opening up,
tired of being strong enough to share,
only to be met with silence or shame—
Know this:
You can pause.
You can rest.
You can heal.
And when you’re ready,
you’ll speak again—
but this time, in safer spaces.
Spaces where you are heard.
Held.
Honored.
—
Xo 💋
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