“I didn’t know better” can explain behavior, but it doesn’t erase impact. It may give context, but it does not undo the damage.
And at some point, we have to stop using ignorance as a shelter and start seeing it for what it becomes in adulthood…
a choice.
There is a season in life where not knowing is understandable. Childhood. Adolescence. Early survival.
But adulthood introduces responsibility. And with responsibility comes accountability.
At some point, growth becomes a moral obligation.
Because when you know you’re hurting people and choose not to change that’s no longer ignorance. That’s refusal.
Many people cling to “I didn’t know better” because it feels safer than facing the pain they caused.
Safer than sitting with guilt. Safer than admitting, “I should have done more.”
But healing doesn’t begin with comfort. It begins with truth.
At some point, adulthood asks more of us.
It asks us to go to therapy even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it exposes wounds we buried deep to survive.
It asks us to learn emotional skills how to communicate, how to regulate anger, how to listen without defensiveness, how to apologize sincerely.
It asks us to break cycles not just name them, but actively dismantle them.
Not just say “This is how I was raised,” but decide, “This is not how I will continue.”
It asks us to apologize without justifying, without minimizing, without shifting the blame.
And ultimately, it asks us to do better.
Your children should not pay the price for your refusal to grow.
They should not carry wounds that could have been healed if you chose humility over pride.
They should not spend adulthood unlearning what you could have addressed with courage.
Ignorance may explain how the damage started.
But accountability determines whether it continues.
And let me say this;
growth does not mean perfection.
It means effort. It means repair. It means choosing responsibility even when it exposes your limitations.
If you’re reading this and feeling convicted not condemned good. Conviction invites change. Shame paralyzes it.
It is never too late to grow.
But it is dangerous to pretend growth is optional.
We owe it to ourselves.
We owe it to our children.
We owe it to the generations watching what we choose to do with the truth we now have.
Because healing delayed becomes harm repeated.
And “I didn’t know better” should never become the legacy you leave behind.
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